Happy Indie Day

This post is a tribute to the nation that was into liberty before it was cool, and then gave up on it when it became too mainstream. First, a list.

My Top Ten Favourite Things About America

1.       Jack in the Box is open 24/7/365.

2.       Walmart’s annual total revenue is greater than Saudi Arabia’s GDP.

3.       “Coke” means the same thing in every language.

4.       You can openly carry a firearm in 42 states, and only 13 of these states require you to have a permit.

5.       As long as you remain under .08 BAC, you can drink and drive in Mississippi.

6.       The McGriddle

7.       Only India and China have more people, and only Russia and Canada have more land.

8.       The best serial killers, evangelists and athletes are all Americans.

9.       Conspiracy theorists and the senile are significant voting blocs.

10.   The stars and stripes are on the Moon.

And now, new words to classic patriotic songs. First one’s a throwback, next two are cheeky, but the last one tries to be thoughtful.

My County ‘Tis of Thee (c. 1999)

My country, ’tis of thee,

Home of the Burger King,

And Taco Bell;

Land where all foods come fried,

Where Tupac and Biggie died:

Did you hear Clinton lied

About Lewinsky?

My Country ‘Tis of Thee

My country, ‘tis of thee,

Where cold hard cash is king,

But WiFi’s free;

Facebook, Apple, Android,

The terrorists annoyed:

No, we’re not unemployed!

Transformers 3.

America the Beautiful

A big mouthful of Freedom Fries,

Morphine to dull the pain,

For the stock market’s lows and highs,

And Greg’ry House’s cane!

America! America!

We drink coffee not tea,

Our highways sprawl, our trees are tall,

A Celsius degree?

The Star-Spangled Banner

O, don’t throw away the great national blight,

Yes, we might well have failed to fulfill Founders’ dreaming,

But these ’types quite bizarre prove that the people just might,

Conquer foes yet unknown, land on new worlds yet teeming!

But however we fare, whatever fortune we share,

We’ll still wield the right to pray and to swear.

May we then conspire to salvage and to save

Whencever we have come — now, how to behave?

Reagan's official presidential photograph. Thanks to Erich Deicke.