July 4th – Independence Day for Americans, Saturday for the rest of the world – marked the end of three weeks spent honoring America:
Before we go back to dishonoring America, I want to share a few words in praise of prose about flags – specifically, in praise of presidential proclamations celebrating the American flag.1
I've read the last 70 years of presidential Flag Day proclamations. They're brief and simple and often follow the same pattern. Usually, they open with the creation of the American flag in 1777. The Continental Congress resolved: "that the flag of the thirteen United States be thirteen stripes, alternate red and white; that the Union be thirteen stars, white in a blue field, representing a new constellation."
After citing this in his proclamation, the president will list various sightings of the American flag:
Ronald Reagan2
when the British surrendered to General Washington at Yorktown
when our soldiers battled at Iwo Jima
when Admiral Peary reached the North Pole
the Marne
the Moon
on the side of the Space Shuttle Columbia as she circled the Earth
Bill Clinton
over smoky battlefields and peaceful demonstrations
the beaches of Normandy
the jungles of Vietnam
the deserts of Iraq and Somalia
the depths of Earth's oceans
the Sea of Tranquility on the Moon
in Oklahoma
on the sleeves of rescue workers
emergency personnel
volunteers
on the shoulders of those who each day risk their lives to protect the public safety
classrooms
statehouses
courtrooms
churches
from public buildings as a sign of our national community
on missions of exploration
on missions of mercy
wherever else Americans strive to express their precious freedoms in the face of adversity
wherever our questing spirits have been willing to venture
George W. Bush
over the debris of the World Trade Center
at the Pentagon
on cars
clothing
houses
hard hats
during the Opening Ceremonies of the Winter Olympic Games in Salt Lake City
Obama
on the podiums of the Vancouver 2010 Olympic and Paralympic Winter Games
the banks of Baltimore's Inner Harbor
European trenches
Pacific islands
the deserts of Iraq
the mountains of Afghanistan
duty stations stretched around the globe
over the institutions that sustain our Nation at home and abroad
above monuments and memorials
beside the halls of government
capitol buildings
atop skyscrapers
over farmlands
town squares
our homes and storefronts
small-town storefronts
storefronts and homes3
And, of course, "over the land of the free and the home of the brave." To me, though, that's not just the borders of 50 states, 16 territories, and one federal district.
The (French) Marquis de Lafayette rejoiced at US victory in the Revolutionary War: "America is assured her independence; mankind's cause is won, and liberty is no longer homeless on earth." Lafayette was buried in a Paris cemetery, under American soil per his request, and an American flag has flown above his grave ever since (~180 years). If the US fell of the map, liberty would not be homeless on earth. It would still have a plot in Picpus Cemetery, or at least some space on a storefront.
1. I'll publish my review of The Vexillologist's Reader on another occasion.
2. In 1986, Reagan lets us know that "in recent years, citizen awareness, interest, and appreciation of the flag and its relationship to our American heritage have increased. More American families and businesses are buying and displaying the flag."
3. Obama is obsessed with storefronts.
You can read all the presidential proclamations at http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/proclamations.php.
Showing posts with label George W. Bush. Show all posts
Showing posts with label George W. Bush. Show all posts
July 06, 2015
July 01, 2014
21 _/Pizza Hut\_ jokes
I've hit a wall writing 42 Pedantic Jokes & Why They Are IMMENSELY Funny. I realized most of the jokes I'd written were just puns and false cognates. I am not writing a pun book. One of the first jokes I wrote was about Pizza Hut: "What do you call a Mongolian Pizza Hut? Pizza Yurt." That will not be in the joke book because it's simple and bad. It's not even about Pizza Hut.
Here are twenty more Pizza Hut jokes. They start bad, but get better. So, please, when you're waffling about paying $4.20 for the completed joke book, remember that this list could have been half of it, but I chose to do good by you. Move your mouse over the Pizza Hut logos for the punchlines.
What do you call a Pizza Hut...
- with halls of mirrors or rows of card tables?

- in northern Thailand or Philadelphia?

- in Memphis or run by Bernie Madoff?

- in a sketchy part of Hong Kong or popular with grizzly bears?

- that orbits beyond Neptune?

- at the North Pole?

- at the South Pole?

- in an airplane cockpit?

- in the lobby of Hotel Rwanda?

- that manages social networking?

- that Happy Gilmore struggles with?

- run according to George W. Bush's foreign policy decision-making?

- coordinating and conjoined with another Pizza Hut?

- that obviously sticks out from the rest of the community?

- adored piecemeal around the world despite being long past its prime?

- where people eat without being properly warned of the ingredients and turn violently ill?

- designed to warn snitches and deadbeats?

- that's a bastard of a bitch of a place to eat?

- is in the midst of an existential crisis?

- that has achieved enlightenment and reached nirvana?

- from Gordium and travelling at 20¼ inches per second?

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